Life is not about finding yourself, but about creating yourself.

Remember how I mentioned I had something resembling a date? And then I haven't said anything since then?

It's not because he went witness protection program on me. (for once.)

It's not because he was attentive and charming and then weird and passive aggressive. (for another.)

That's because there hasn't been another date. But there's enough text messaging that I get the sense he's still interested. (and, I guess I am too, on some level) But we have about the worst timing ever - he's out on Friday, I'm in bed before 10pm. I'm going out on Saturday, he's got to work on Sunday. The only time we ever managed to go out was spring break when neither of us had class, so I'm admittedly eager to see what happens in two weeks when the semester ends. Maybe we finally get on the same plan. Even though I know I want more, even though I know I deserve more, I'm still curious. That's okay, right? It's just so very weird.

You must not be paying attention.

The Pat Tillman/Jessica Lynch hearings. I don't even know where to begin with my outrage on behalf of these two and their families. Nothing was being covered about that when I watched the news yesterday. But everyone's got an opinion on Alec Baldwin. I wouldn't mind if we were going to use it as a time to talk about emotional abuse of children or something productive, but naturally we aren't.

Alberto "I don't remember recalling" Gonzales. Watching what I could stomach of that debacle, I kept waiting for a member of Congress to pull a Grey's Anatomy, put down their pen, take off their reading glasses and just say, "Seriously?"

And I'm still fuming over last week and the comments that students should have taken down the gunman at Tech while he was reloading. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, and the Supreme Court abortion decision that doesn't allow for exceptions for the health of the woman. Never mind what that pesky American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology thinks.

And I'm eagerly awaiting what's being taped on my VCR right now (you know, what you used before tivo) - Buying the War - a doc on PBS by Bill Moyers. That should keep me outraged for a few more days, at least.

I went to Flagstaff for the weekend. It was billed as an investigational trip to see if I could live there for three years and to find out more from the PT folks at NAU, but it was also a great excuse to take a day off work.

The good news was that despite the late-April snow and the lack of any store I shop at being in the mall (Old Navy, coming Fall 2007!), I was really into the vibe of the town. I went out on my own on Saturday night and met amazingly cool and friendly people (the adorable county water inspector, the couple from Chicago back from hiking in the Canyon and the hippie hottie). I was wickedly hungover on Sunday, but I later learned it wasn't all because I don't really drink anymore and I'm 31, but ALSO because Flag's at about 6900 feet elevation and if you aren't used to it, high altitude and alcohol don't mix. Where was that in the water inspector's bevy of information about town?

Monday morning I met the dream assassin. He wasn't rude, he wasn't mean, he was just straightforward about my shot at getting into a program with a 1 in 10 acceptance rate. And, well, let's just say, I had forgotten just how much of this process is about what schools want me, not the other way around. Doesn't mean shit that I liked Flag if NAU doesn't think I make the grade. So I slumped back to my car, overwhelmed at all I need to do to become a more ideal candidate and fearful that my undergraduate GPA will haunt me forever.

And then my iPod refused to work. Like the apple icon wouldn't even come up. Making my 4 hour drive oh so fun. And the snow, can I just mention the SNOW again?

Luckily, there was salvation in the form of the outlet mall north of Phoenix. Now, my new shoes and I need to go to class. But tomorrow I'll figure out how to turn the dream assassin's comments into a list of things to do, not a list of shortcomings.

like, a lot.

I'll see just about anyone who doesn't suck. This is part of why I aspire to attend South by Southwest someday.

Saturday, I did something new and saw a great show at a great venue here in town (Brandi Carlile, Rialto Theater). Naturally, I was going alone, which doesn't bother me a bit. Concerts are sort of a cool thing to do alone, like a movie, you get to think about it all on your own. But then I ran into one of my chemistry lab partners in the line to get a wristband for beers, also there alone, so I made her hang out with me. Yay! Tonight, I mention this to our other lab partner. He has never been to a concert. To plays, to musicals, but never a concert. At first I thought he meant, never at the Rialto, but he meant never ever EVER. I really (REALLY) wanted to ask if it was part of his being Mormon and all, but I thought that would be rude or ignorant or both. All my experience with Mormons are with lapsed Mormons with borderline alcohol problems and they attend plenty of concerts. So I said nothing. And I'm still left wondering. Hmph.

There's this guy in my psych class who sits with his hoodie over his head, often with his iPod on and always looking pretty sullen. Filled with teenage angst. The other day he went on this tangent about how he feels bad for puddles when people drive through them. Seriously. And I had to hold back a laugh because it was just so American Beauty.

But then later in the day, this book I'm reading talked about being present, being mindful, etc. and I felt bad mocking the guy from psych, as he's totally mindful and I'm totally distracted half the time. Which is the biggest thing I've learned in the damn class all semester.

Anyhow.

So be nice to the puddles. I guess that's what I'm saying.